


Whisper My Name

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-29
Updated: 2007-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 12:35:56
Rating: Teen & Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8714179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: A hundred towns with a different name every night and Dean was starting to lose himself. Every time the lie fell so easily from his lips he wondered if he could still exist when no one knew his name. Sam fights to prove that as long as there is one person in the world who knows you, the real you, you’re as alive as they can make you feel.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes: **Title:** Whisper My Name  
 **Author:** SomeoneElsesDream  
 **Rating:** PG-13 for profanity and brotherly love  
 **Author’s Note:** The song is Name by the Goo Goo Dolls – Song fic has eaten my brain.  
 **Disclaimer:** All I own is debt...you can take that anytime you like

**Summary:** A hundred towns with a different name every night and Dean was starting to lose himself. Every time the lie fell so easily from his lips he wondered if he could still exist when no one knew his name. Sam fights to prove that as long as there is one person in the world who knows you, the real you, you’re as alive as they can make you feel.  


* * *

~~~~~ 

 

**_And even though the moment passed me by_ **

**_I still can't turn away_ **

**_'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose_ **

**_Got tossed along the way_ **

**_And letters that you never meant to send_ **

**_Get lost or thrown away_ **   


He can’t bear to watch, but he can’t bring himself to look away as his little brother, his forbidden lover, walks away. Dean wonders if Sam even realizes how difficult this is for him to bear, how gut wrenching it is to watch the person you love more than anyone in the world just walk out of your life. Sam looks over his shoulder one last time, joy in his eyes mixed with the pain and Dean sees that he knows. Forever it’s been like this for them, joy and pain, pleasure and fear, love and hate.

 

“I love you Dean” 

 

He’s still not sure if Sam really said it, or if he just wanted to hear it so badly he pretends. _Dean_ was Sam’s first word, he used it for everything, and that one word still has the power to drive his big brother to his knees. No one has ever said his name like Sam does, no one has ever cared enough to try. Will he still be _Dean_ without his brother to name him? Or will he simply fade away like the ghost of a man who’s sinned too much for heaven and is too afraid of hell?

**_And now we're grown up orphans_ **

**_That never knew their names_ **

**_We don't belong to no one_ **

**_That's a shame_ **

**_But if you could hide beside me_ **

**_Maybe for a while_ **

**_And I won't tell no one your name_ **

**_And I won't tell 'em your name_ **

They’re all alone in the world now – there’s no one left. Somehow Dean doesn’t think he’s supposed to feel relief at this moment, somehow he thinks it’s supposed to hurt a little more. Don’t misunderstand, losing their father, after everything they went through to get him back, it’s almost too much…but now it’s their time. Sam and Dean. Well, it would be if things were different. If Sam were different. Everything has changed so fast; Dean can’t seem to keep his hands on something still, something solid. There’s a distance between them that wasn’t there before, a heavy silence, the weight of a thousand secrets – a thousand unspoken words.

 

In the months since they got back on the road after Jessica, there hasn’t even been so much as a hug. No sign that Sam cares to remember their past relationship, let alone re-live it. Dean was getting around to being alright with that until the accident, until Dad. He hasn’t told Sam yet, but Dean remembers what happened when he was wandering around outside of his body, he remembers everything that was said and done. He remembers Sam’s tearful confession – and his father’s too.

 

“I love you Dean”

“You have to take care of Sammy now”

“I’m sorry Dean”

“Don’t let it come to that son”

“I never should have left you”

“Find a way to save him – you’re the only one who can.”

 

Thanks Dad, no pressure or anything right? And who the hell does Sam think he is, only confessing anything worth knowing while he thinks no one can hear him – but try and get him to admit to anything? You’ll have better luck asking a car for directions. Finally the tension and frustration is too much, thank god he hadn’t finished fixing the car yet. He owes her a waxing for that…and a new trunk…obviously.

**_Scars are souvenirs you never lose_ **

**_The past is never far_ **

**_Did you lose yourself somewhere out there_ **

**_Did you get to be a star_ **

**_And don't it make you sad to know that life_ **

**_Is more than who we are_ **

If he drives fast enough, if the music is loud enough, maybe he won’t have to hear it, the voice in his head; and maybe he won’t have to know. It’s not like he meant to look, he spends so much time trying _not_ to, but he knows Sam’s body like it’s an extension of his own. And he knows, _knows_ , those scars weren’t there before. Right above Sam’s tailbone, right before the perfect curve of ass, three thin white scars. Dean’d bet his life they’re nail marks, but not from Jessica. Well, not unless Sam’s keeping some really kinky secrets about their sex life, possible, but unlikely. Sam’s been topped since he left, and topped hard by the look of it. Dean never allowed himself to be that…unrestrained. Wanting and having his little brother was bad enough, he didn’t want to give in to _al_ l his baser instincts.

 

Who was he? Who was this mysterious lover with wicked hands? Did Sam love him or was it something of an exorcism? One last ride before switching stations and settling down with the girl of his dreams. It’s been eating at him for three long days, the doubt, the fear, and yes, jealousy too. Sam’s his, has been since he was six months old, if anyone was going to mark his skin it should have been Dean. It’s his right after all. 

 

Dean turns the music up even louder and tries to forget how to think.

**_You grew up way too fast_ **

**_And now there's nothing to believe_ **

**_And reruns all become our history_ **

**_A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio_ **

**_And I won't tell no one your name_ **

**_And I won't tell 'em your name_ **

**_I won't tell 'em your name_ **

**_Mmm, mmm, mmm_ **

It took more than twenty years, and Dean’s so tired he can’t see straight, but the damn demon is finally dead. Well halle-fucking-lujah it’s about damn time. Dean grunts, tossing his duffle on the bed. His hair is dishevelled, his eyes rattled, his skin feels just a little of the wrong fit, too loose, too tight, not comfortable. For the first time since he discovered the joys of sex, Dean felt wrong in his body, foreign in his own skin. Sam could see it from across the room, feel it in the tension of the air. When was the other shoe going to drop? And on who’s head? Suddenly it’s too much for either of them, suddenly lines once un-crossable are nothing more than whispered warnings in the dark.

 

The first touch is tentative, questioning _Do you want this? Will this help?_ After that it’s like the dam has finally broken and everything they have denied themselves for so long just comes pouring out. Even though he knows Sam’s still sore, Dean can’t bring himself to gentle his hands, not this time. Sam takes as good as he gets, using nails and teeth to press as much of his brother inside him as possible. Soon the rhythm shifts, changes, soon it’s nothing but _Please_ and _More_. Soon it’s nothing but the wordless whimper of the damned, the silent submission of the soul.

 

Dean falls asleep spooned tightly around his brother, hand over Sam’s heart. This is what heaven must feel like.

**_I won't tell 'em your name..._ **

****

**_Mmmmmm_ **

****

**_I think about you all the time_ **

**_But I don't need the same_ **

**_It's lonely where you are come back down_ **

**_And I won't tell 'em your name_ **

In the morning Dean wakes alone. He’s not surprised; not really, last night was different, special. Last night was a detour, but now they have to get back on the road. It’s amazing how many aspects of their lives can be summed up with that one metaphor. When Sam comes in with coffee it’s not strained, there are no awkward silences; there is only an understanding. This can’t be a thing, there’s just no way, but it won’t go away either, and if they can’t have what they want in the light of day, there’s always someone to hold on to in the dark.

 

“I love you Dean.”

“God you are such a freak.”

“Do you have to be such an ass?”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

_I love you too Sammy._

 

**_Fin._ **


End file.
